Monday, May 12, 2008

Keeping it All Together

It's raining out today. Kind of cold. Windy. I haven't gotten out of bed except for the two minutes that I went wandering around for the menu for the restaurant that we live above. I knew what I wanted, but I didn't have their number. So, after a few minutes of fruitless searching I returned to bed, opened my window and lit a cigarette. It was then I saw the sign, the sign for the restaurant right below my window, with the phone number emblazoned across it.

The truth is, things haven't been to easy lately. It's been a rough few weeks, a rough few months, maybe even a rough couple years. It all blurs together into something that I understand, but can't quite make out. The closer I get to summer, the more the memories of North Carolina, of my uncle, of the my aunt as she struggled to hold herself up and smile as she watched him slip away. How she protected everyone, even me, from the really bad things that were happening. I realize that everyone experiences loss in their lives, almost never by choice. I've had a lot of that lately, and I sit here and try to learn from it, but it's a half step forward and then three steps back. There is always a rug being pulled out from underneath me. I need to find a spot that's just hardwood flooring, and stay there.